Changes.

This blog is coming at you very real life. Because if it is something I needed to hear, I am sure someone else needs to hear it too. When someone asks you where you see yourself in 5 years, do you actually have an answer? Do you really believe your answer is where you're going to be in 5 years? 5 years ago I saw my life being completely different than it is now. I thought I was going to work for the government doing anti-terrorism stuff and translating Arabic. Can we just laugh at that for a second lol.

Here's reality: I do nothing with my knowledge of Arabic. I read government books on anti-terrorism and watch every documentary I can. I've worked with difficult kids and I have loved every minute of it. It has been the hardest yet most rewarding work. Some of the kids I have worked with are now in prison for murder but, some of them have families, graduated high school and are in college doing so freaking well. In the last 5 years, I have had heartbreaks, losses, stress beyond belief, and growth. Above all, I have had growth.

I expected my life to go differently than it has. That doesn't mean my life has gone bad and I am not happy about where I've landed. I am incredibly proud and happy about how everything has turned out. But it is time for a change. My time working with kids is over. Not because of the kids. I will miss them so much.

Here's more reality that might shock some of y'all. I am leaving this work because I cannot change it. I've stayed so long because I thought I could. But people like me, don't get to the top of a field like this to be able to make changes. There are far too many people in this field that don't need to be in it. There is far too much corruption in a field you would think would be corruption free. I've held on for 4 years for the kids. They deserve someone like me to advocate and care about them. You might think that's cocky, but anyone in this field knows exactly what I am talking about. I am tired of this system and feeling like I am the only one that wants to change it. The reality is, it is never going to change. Where there is money and politics, there is corruption. Human beings have a hard time understanding all of this and that's okay. Just because you cannot understand it, doesn't mean it isn't happening.

One thing I have realized since coming to Oregon is that my life is worth living. Like actually living. I haven't been living for quite some time. All this is something so incredibly hard for me to really feel and come to terms with. That's why I am sharing it. I know I am not the only one. Change is necessary. It is scary. It is hard. But it is necessary. Don't keep doing something if it's causing you to not live. Nothing is worth that, no matter what the cause is.

Change is coming.

xoxo,

han